Author: justkelly

The holidays are a frustrating time of the year;
you have to find the perfect thing for so many people,
and honestly, when you're fifteen without a job, and without a car,
and without a liscense, and living in the middle of nowhere,
it's really hard to get everything you need.
especially when you don't know what to get someone.
and it really sucks when that someone is one of the most important people in your life.
i have such a great idea for a gift for my boyfriend,
and i can't get it, because i can't drive and my parents are always working.
I can't ask him to bring me, cause then he'll either know what i'm getting him,
or have to like, sit in the food court or something for a million hours while i search the stores for what i want.
can you believe that not a single store in the whole entire mall i went to had a single piece of Frosty the Snowman memorabilia?!
neither did toys r us!
of course they had the nightmare before christmas stuff though.
THAT'S NOT EVEN A CHRISTMAS MOVIE. ughhh.

so that's my rant for the day.
other than that, i have to say i've been ridiculously happy lately.
and that's all thanks to luke, which is why i have to find him the perfect thing.
and everyone's telling me that whatever i give him, he'll love and it'll be fine, cause it's from me.
but they don't understand that i need to get the perfect thing, cause he's the reason i'm so happy now, and he's the reason why i have [even though it's not much] self confidence and self esteem, and he's the reason why i'm still [mentally and emotionally] alive and not totally empty inside.
he's the reason i didn't just totally give up when everything was so wrong and so bad, he saved me, and i don't think he truly understands the magnitude of the impact he's had on my life.
i want to be a better person because of him ,and in wanting to, i am slowly becoming one.
he makes me smile all the time, even when i don't want to.
he always knows just the thing to say when i'm upset, and he always knows just how to cheer me up.

happy kwanzaa!
merry christmas!
happy chanukkah!
i hope everyone has a lovely holiday!