so, i did a little experiment today. the goal was to do as little work as possible just to see how it is for the fuck fucks who show up to the office but don't do a lick of work all day. i think i pulled off doing about 25% of what i normally do in a day. you would have sworn i killed babies & ate their heads. i wanted to know though. i wanted to know what it would be like to show up to work & not be the work horse that people expect. and i could allow myself to do it because i could give a rat's ass about looking impressive. i just wanted to be a different version of me.

the decision to try this experiment was born out of two things: anger over things i have no control over & the fact that i've been thinking about how routine & regimented monday thru friday is after reading something a friend of mine wrote. so i thought, why not mix it up a little. screw the rules. i always follow the rules & it gets me zilch. so, today i did a lot of daydreaming (which i'm actually horrible at doing), just staring at my computer screen & studying the dank, disgusting ceiling of the big room. i listened to my music, even sang along at times.

i would like to say it was a great or liberating experience but in all honesty, it was actually hard to maintain...the lazy attitude...sitting there with the work staring me in the face & just letting it sit there. how do people do it? maybe i need another day to hone the skill. maybe i need a repeat tomorrow.

i'm considering going to the meeting tonight...learn about Jesus. if i could just go in, hear the sermon & get out without anyone really talking to me, the decision would be made...i'd just do it. but i'm not looking to set up bible studies or have anyone call on me at my home. i just want to go learn about Jesus. i ironed a skirt & a top. i need to shower because i smell sweaty after exercising. i've got about 45 minutes to get ready & leave if i'm going to do it.

i HATE april & may. they are invariably horrible months for me, for my stability. it's going to be a long 8 weeks.