Let's talk about a friendship, a friendship forged between two people who shouldn't have been friends in the first place. So the female friend, in her infinite wisdom & quest to be there perhaps, perhaps in a way that no one has ever been there for her, attempts to maintain the friendship even though shortly after the friendship commences, it becomes evident that the friendship should not continue. A third party intervenes & the female half of this dynamic duo endures hateful, racist, mean spirited words from this third party. The male half of this dynamic duo is aware of what his "friend" is made to endure to be friends with him & every now & again he inquires if she's heard anything from this third party. He issues a standard "I'm sorry" & she deals with the tearing down of her soul the best she can.

Eventually, after much conflict, hurtful words, hurt feelings, tears, on again off again bulls**t, the friendship comes to a screeching halt. The female half of this duo becomes weary of feeling like the cause of everything wrong in the life of this "friend" of hers, sick of being equated with his pain & she finally figures out that she truly does not deserve to be subject to the kind of verbal abuse she's allowed herself to endure to remain friends with him. She finally feels strong enough & worthy enough to admit to herself that although she longs for a close male/female friendship in her life, although she believes that he needs a good, stable, reliable friend in his corner & that she probably could be that for him, it isn't worth it. She decides she wants a break & insists on it. He obliges for a very short while. Then he gets a wild hair up his ass & decides he's going to put his foot down & be who he ought to be. But in doing so, he makes the friend he claims to love vulnerable to the aforementioned third party whose indescribable words of hatred breaks his friend completely down. He gives his friend no warning that he's going to be making grand announcements that might put her in the line of fire. And so, the female, completely broken down, feeling utterly betrayed & having allowed her heart to be annihilated to the point of not letting anyone else close to her, tells him & this third party to f**k off & leave her the hell alone. She cuts off communication to save what's left of herself.

A couple of months later, he resurfaces into her life. He has no words of reassurance to offer her, a weak apology. He's got nothing to say to her, really. And she has nothing to say to him. She's missed him. She's wanted to contact him. She hoped that he'd contact her. But contact her with some words of hope...something to make the past a distant memory & the future look bright. But it wasn't that way at all. She gave him a chance & he proved to her that she would still have to be the strong one. She would still have to be in control, the keeper of everyone's feelings. And she didn't want that. And so she tells him goodbye, again. She finds herself putting it out there to the universe...that when he figures out what he needs to say, what he needs to do to earn her loyalty back, he might try to reach her again. But not until then. Because she deserves so much more than he ever offered her.

And then she realizes that the day will never come.